The part of the brain that regulates emotion is still developing in teens, and will make their experience of grief different from that of adults.
As Warren Hills High School students grieve the tragic death of Evan Murray, the quarterback who died after taking hard hits during a game last Friday, parents and teachers should continue to watch for a flood of responses and emotions, experts say.
Lisa Athan, a Springfield grief counselor, said adults need to remember that teenagers are still developing and beginning to find their independence. That can leave teens confused about whether they can show emotion as children or as young adults.
"Teenagers are already at such a difficult time emotionally," said Athan, whose web site, www.griefspeaks.com, is linked on the high school's home page. "Now they're hit with something so traumatic, sometimes some of them, they want to run into a parent's arms but they know (they) can't do that."
The 17-year-old Murray, a good student and three-sport athlete, died Friday after walking off the field during a game with Summit. The Morris County Medical Examiner said Monday that he died from internal bleeding caused by a lacerated spleen.
Schools play a big role in helping teens cope, Athan said. Both Warren Hills and Summit are providing counselors this week to students.
But teenagers often will want to be with their friends to share their grief, which can confuse many teachers and parents used to consoling their children, she added.
"Teens naturally gravitate toward each other," she said.
Students at Summit are continuing to support each other, said Superintendent June Change. "Our team and our community continue to keep Warren Hills and the Murray family in their thoughts," he said in an emailed statement.
Warren Hills Regional Middle School and High School will be closed Thursday, the day of Murray's funeral services.
In a statement on its web site, the district said the schools would be closed "to accommodate local road closing and all appropriate and unforeseen needs" Thursday.
Additionally, homecoming and Spirit Week were postponed until a later date. The Friday football game against Voorhees was moved back to Saturday.
MORE: Petition: Name football field aftert Evan Murray
Many students will not be done grieving by the time next game begins, Athan said, saying adolescents generally do not grieve and then move on. Rather, they grieve in "spurts," she said, so adults have to be attuned to children in a non-judgmental, supportive way in times of crisis.
If adults aren't on the same page as teens during times of grief, it may be partly because parts of the adolescent brain that regulate emotion are still developing.
Specifically, the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which regulates behavior, is still developing during the teen years.
Under normal conditions, a still-developing brain allows teens to function well, said Dr. Linda Spear at the Center for Development and Behavioral Neuroscience Binghamton University in New York.
"But what happens under highly emotional situations is that the activity in these emotional regions gets more activated," she said. "There's less frontal control over those emotional regions."
Teens' wide-ranging feelings and responses mean adults should be prepared for bouts of crying and memorials, said Dr. Pat Wolfe, an expert on the application of brain research in education.
"They just react so strongly to everything," Wolfe said. "With most adults you will see them work through the grief eventually. Teens seem to hang onto it longer."
Adults should allow teens to react to the situation while watching them carefully, she said.
Talking out feelings is important as well, Wolfe said.
If teens don't have someone in whom they can confide, Athan said, they can go to 2ndfloor.org or call 888-222-2228 for 24-hour access to counselors.
Athan also encouraged teens to exercise as a way to beat back feelings of sadness and guilt."The number-one anti-depressant is exercise," she said.
For the same reason, she urged teens to avoid alcohol, marijuana and other drugs. "It makes the grieving actually harder," Athan said.
But Athan also cautioned that since the grieving process differs for each individual, there will be some who object to how teens and the schools handle the situation, particularly about whether to play the next football game.
"No matter what we do," Athan said, "there will be people saying they shouldn't have done what they did."
Tim Darragh may be reached at tdarragh@njadvancemedia.com. Follow him on Twitter @timdarragh. Find NJ.com on Facebook.